Speaking of blasphemy...

I've decided that when I die, I want one of two things to happen.

1. There really is a God and all the stuff that I believe and things will end up good for me.

Or, another perfectly acceptable option for me would be,

2. We become ghosts.

Ghostery would be awesome. I would haunt the fuck outta people.

If I chose to just haunt Asian people, would that be considered racist?

Can you be a racist if you are no longer a race?

5 Things I Love?

I've been tagged. I normally ignore tags but the person who tagged me this time will probably hit me pretty hard if I don't participate.

So what are 5 things I love?

Well, my wife, my family, my friends, etc. Those are obvious though, so here are some less than obvious ones.


1. Stabblings.



I love knives. I liked them before I ever started doing martial arts but that just intensified the love for them. That picture is most of the ones I own, not counting the 5 or so in various backpacks and vehicles or the 10+ Indonesian fixed blades that I own.

People give me all kinds of shit for collecting knives.

People: "How much did you pay for that knife, Todd?

Todd: "$75."

People: "Holy shit, $75! What a waste of money!

Todd: "How much did you pay for the jeans you're wearing?"

People: "$100."

Todd: "..."

My knife will last me decades. It definitely won't be ruined by a glass of wine, or a fucked up drying cycle, or me gaining weight. Not only will it last decades but when I decide to sell it, there's a good chance that I will MAKE money on it! Do you have any idea the amount of research and development that went into designing this knife? Any idea of the cost of raw materials to make this knife? Way more than your fucking jeans.

I'll buy quality knives for $75 and continue to buy my jeans when they go on sale for $15. I'm not paying $100 for a trendy genital hammock stitched together by little brown children.


2. Flashlights.


Those 4 Maglites on the left are not stock. Some of them are high powered mods that are over 20 times brighter than a stock Maglite and can start things on fire. Some have been converted to LEDs.

Why do I love flashlights so much? I don't know, maybe I'm afraid of the dark? I do know that I can't see very well without light so they come in handy quite often. Here's a pic of my brand new one:



It's a limited edition 4Sevens Quark 123-2. Constructed of all titanium and the first production light to use the brand spankin' new Cree XP-G R5 LED. Yes, it's shiny. Yes, it's damn bright.

Yes, it also cost $80. That's ok with me though. I'm pretty sure titanium is a bit harder to work with than denim. Plus if I want to sell it in a year I will get at least $80 for it, if not more.


3. Caffeine.



Monster Energy Drink. More dangerous than touching a Samoan's woman. More awesome than an Xbox, a bottle of Jameson, and 12 hours of no obligations.

I love my caffeine, love it love it love it. Compared to most, my intake isn't all that high. I average between 100-200 mg of caffeine a day which is the equivalent to a couple cups of coffee. My preferred method if ingesting said caffeine is probably not the healthiest but, meh. I'll stop when I hit 30. Until then it's full throttle to Jacksville. Brain and adrenal glands best sit the fuck down and buckle up.



4. Music.

Ah, music. I love it, as do many people. What are my favorite kinds though?

I grew up in the 90's and I hate dancing which means I love 90's rock. Alice in Chains, STP, Metallica, Soundgarden, Bush, Foo Fighters, Garbage, Offspring, Perfect Circle, etc. Early 90's is the best but some good stuff hit in the late 90's. The early new millennium was absolute shit in terms of rock music but it's getting good again.

Even though I still hate to dance, I'm now a huge electronica fan. It helps that we have a local "dance" station that plays no commercials. 56 minutes of music an hour is hard to turn down when you drive over an hour each day.

Lately I've been getting into Neoclassical Darkwave music. Here's a good example of Neoclassical Darkwave



and another




Neoclassical Darkwave has led me to other genres such as Symphonic Power Gothic Metal and Symphonic Progressive Metal. I think a lot of the Progessive Metal out there sucks but there are a few bands that are getting it right.

One I'm digging on quite a bit now is Adagio, a French Progressive Metal band.

Some of my favorite songs of theirs are:




and





I've really loved working out at Bobbe's school for the last few years. I've met some interesting people, some good friends, and some big assholes. Overall, it's been a wonderful experience.

People sometimes ask me what martial art I practice. I usually answer, "Silat and Kali" but that's not really true. Most Silat in the US sucks. There are only a handful, I literally mean 5 or less, Silat people that I would train with in the entire United States. Most people completely fuck it up with bullshit mysticism, posing, prancing, and religion.

So what martial art do I do? I work out with a guy who has teaching rank in more martial arts than most people know exist. A guy who has been fucked over by enough teachers and kicked out of enough organizations that he has stopped caring about rank or lineage. Someone who has been through enough in his life that when he says, "If you ever get cornered by 5 guys, gut the closest motherfucker. That will take the fight outta the other 4", you know it's not something he read in a book.

Silat and Kali make up most of what we do but there's also Kuntao, Wing Chun, Fencing, Pangamot, Chin-Na, Pa Kua, and Jiu Jitsu in there. We work out in a garage and we don't wear uniforms. We spar with weapons and without. Most of the time we spar without protection; take off the gloves and the helmet and see how your footwork and body mechanics change.

I have no rank and I don't care if I ever have any. The only belts I own are leather and I have no desire to add colorful ones to my collection. That mentality is one of the greatest things that Bobbe has taught his students. Fuck rank; it just gets in the way. Pick up the weapon and let's play.

It's been a great place to work out and I've also gained a very close friend out of the deal. I'm definitely getting more than my money's worth.


Things I love? Knives, Flashlights, Caffeine, Music, and MA. I'm an odd guy, so people tell me.



I tag my brother Blake. He's older, wiser, and cooler than I am. That's how older brothers work, right?

Names

"Hi, my name is Bambi and..."

Stop. It doesn't matter what else you are going to say because my brain has stopped focusing on you. Here is what my brain is now doing:

- I'm starting out by picturing cute little animated woodland creatures and Mr. Walt Disney.

- Next, I'm picturing strippers and hookers.

- Now I'm imagining little animals dressed in mini skirts, fish net stockings, and gaudy makeup.

- Walt Disney is now wear a "pimp" outfit and having arguments with Thumper.

- Walt Disney, being dead, has now turned into a zombie and is "bitch slapping" Thumper because of some money issue.

- Now the whole fucking forest is on fire, Zombie Pimp Disney is beating the crap out of Bambi because Thumper said it was all his idea. Hunters have entered the forest and are shooting Bambi's mom and dad, and for some reason that big ass scary fucking combine thing from the movie Fern Gully is headed towards everyone.


There is no way that we can continue to have a normal conversation and there is definitely no way that I can listen to the rest of your sales pitch. I don't want to donate to your cause, you might as well hang up now. See what your stupid name has done?

Here are your options:

1. Find your parents and kick their asses. Next, go to the courthouse and have your name changed.
2. Don't say your name is Bambi. Hello, my name is Sharon. See how easy that is? Some lies don't make baby Jesus cry.


When I worked at a car dealership, one of the old time salesmen was named Luke Skywalker. He was born before George Lucas and Lucas, taking this as a slight, found a way to fuck him. Every time Luke had a sales call they would page him. It wouldn't matter if he was 10 feet away, they would take every opportunity to say over the loudspeaker, "Paging Luke Skywalker. Luke Skywalker to the office please. You have a call Luke Skywalker. Will Luke Skywalker please report in." They would say his name at least 4 times per page. He was one of the grumpiest old men I've ever met.

Don't put yourself through that hell and become a bitter, angry person. Just lie.

My Art's Better Than Yours!

I was in the middle of responding to various comments on Steve Perry's post (here) when I realized that it would be too long so I decided to do my own post.

Why are there so many fights and arguments over which martial art is the best, which is the most effective, etc? Why do people get so worked up over this topic?

I'd say that most people get into martial arts because of the self defense aspect of it. Whether or not it's the main reason, it will definitely be there somewhere Because of that, I imagine that people don't go out and search for the most ineffectual style they can find; why would you? They choose something that will (in their minds) get them ready to defend them and theirs.

So what happens when someone comes along and says, "My martial art is better than yours."

Here's your options, as I see them:

1. Agree with them.

2. Disagree with them.

You can just ignore them although it will raise the same questions and cause you to go through the same thought process regardless of if you respond to their statement or not. So, I guess I'm saying that you can choose not to respond to them but you can't simply ignore them.

So why does this cause issues and angst?

First off, no one likes being told that they are not as good as someone else. Mature adults realize that they will probably never be the best at anything and can square themselves to the idea that Frank or Joe will be better than them at it. No one LIKES hearing that though; that's not the kind of shit you seek out. So, when a total stranger or internet punk says that their martial art is better than yours, it usually inspires the knee jerk "Fuck You" response. I'd say that is pretty natural.

Moving past that one, let's assume that we're mature and cool-headed adults and are fine with people being better than us. Stating that your martial art is better than mine isn't attacking me as a practitioner, it's attacking my METHOD.

It's difficult because I'm trying to learn to defend myself and now I have to admit that there's a better, faster, more effective way to do it. My life could be on the line and it only makes sense to practice the best martial art. I'm toting a slingshot and someone offers me a shotgun? I'd be pretty stupid to turn down the shotgun. If there are other goals in mind such as certain competitions, history, health, or some "warrior code" that you want to subscribe to, then I could see purposely choosing an art that you knew wasn't the most effective at defense.

If you do accept that theirs is better, do you give up yours? Most of us have years, if not decades, in our current art. Give that up and start something new? Find a new teacher, leave friends, become a beginner again, suck again? That doesn't sound too appealing to me. What sounds even shittier is admitting to yourself that, while not wasting the last few years of your life, you haven't used them very wisely.

That's if you agree with them.

If you disagree with them you get to say, "Nope. Mine's better than yours, actually."

Disagreeing seems to be the more attractive option, eh?


Another reason to disagree with people who spew, "My art is better than yours" is because they're fucking stupid. That's like saying your Corvette is better than my Honda Fit. Yours is faster granted, but how does it fare at IKEA? Is your baby comfortable in the back seat? Oh wait, there is no backseat.

Some arts are more effective at different things, that's true. And, just how there are cars out there that are "just shitty", there are schools out there that fall into the same category. Getting your black belt from an ATA dojo in 1 year? Ya, you can get the license plate frame that reads, "I'm a black belt in ATA Tae Kwon Do" (I've actually seen that shit) but that's about all you're going to get out of it. I'd put my money on almost any pissed off guy before I'd back you in a fight.

That's an example of a shitty school though, not an art. There are some badass Tae Kwon Do guys out there, just as there are some badass aikidoka. There are some shitty Silat players out there and some shitty MMA guys. To say that MMA is better than Silat though? That's just ignorant.

MMA guy against me in a ring with his rules? Can I bet against myself please? That would be some easy money.

Me with a knife against someone trying to hurt/kill me? My money is on me. What if there are 3 of them? I don't know if my chances are very good but they're better than Mr. MMA's.

There have been some very experienced martial artists who have come to our school, some with lots of fighting experience, some with lots of MMA experience. When they first started they could kick my ass empty handed. Pick up a knife or stick, or any weapon? I win every time. That's not to say that I'm not any good WITHOUT a weapon or that they're no good WITH a weapon, it's simply different training with different foci. Is one better than the other? No.

Also, just because one art is better at a certain aspect of fighting than another, that doesn't mean the one art is BAD at that aspect of fighting. BJJ guys spend almost all their time grappling on the ground. Will a BJJ guy be better than a Silat guy at grappling? Probably so but that doesn't mean we don't know how to fight on the ground! We actually spend a fair amount of time on groundwork.

Is a Tae Kwon Do guy better at kicking than I am? I'd put money on that too but that doesn't mean I can't throw a decent kick.

Am I better with a knife than a Muay Thai guy? Yep. That doesn't mean he can't use a knife. Pointy end goes in the other guy is not too difficult to figure out.


Pretty easy to see why martial artists get irked when people start throwing around the greater thans and lesser thans. I have a feeling that the people who start these fights do so for the same reason that I listed above. There is inherent insecurity in a field that has so much competition and sometimes you need reassurance that you've made the right choice in training. That reassurance can come from attacking other arts just as easily as it does from defending your own.

Ninja Loot = Nerd Rage

The way most MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games) work is:

• You build your character up to the top level through quests, grouping, killing monsters, etc.
• You then try to get the best equipment available to you through normal play.
• Once you are "geared", you then group up and try to kill big ass monsters (raids).
• You collect better gear from these monsters to then try to kill bigger monsters.

That's the inherent problem with these games. They never end and you are never finished. There are always bigger monsters out there to kill (the game developers make sure of this by always adding more).

A typical "raid" will last between 4-12 hours depending on the type.

Group size differs by game anywhere from 10 people (easy WoW raids), 25 people (hard WoW raids, and then 40+ people (EQ raids didn't have a limit). Imagine trying to get 25+ people from all over the world organized and on the same page in terms of strategy; it's no easy task. Everyone of those people have a job to do and if one or two of them mess up, everyone usually dies. Every "wipe" (everyone dies) means tacking on another 45 minutes to get your body back and get prepared again.

Yes it's nerdy. Yes it's a waste of time (in my opinion). Yes I have "raided" many times.

Every monster usually drops between 1-3 pieces of equipment plus some money and quest items. In my raids, it would usually take 1.5 hours to kill 1 boss. On a 8 hour raid we would usually kill 5ish bosses which means we got roughly 10 pieces of equipment. If you raid twice a weekend and put in your 16ish hours, your group would get 20 pieces of equipment.

Each of those 25 players have 10+ different equipment slots which means 250+ slots that need equipping. To progress to the next level of difficulty dungeon/raid, you will probably need people to have 60+% of their slots filled with the gear of the current difficulty dungeon that you are in.

All that information to get to this; gear is important. The whole point of the game is progressing and you cannot do that without good gear. You cannot get good gear without raiding because almost all of it is "no drop" which means once you pick it up off the dead dragon, it is yours forever. You can't sell it or give it away which keeps people from buying the gear and requires that you put in the effort to get that gear.

Now, when you finally kill the dragon, or ogre, or whatever, there's gear on that monster that needs to be divided up and awarded to people. Once the decision is made, those people go and pick said equipment off of the monster. There are in-game tools that you can use which will put 1 person in charge of that task and they will actually have to assign the rights of each piece of gear to a specific player but you can also just set it so people loot the piece of gear once their names are called. The good ol' Honor System.

So what happens when someone gets mad and decides to take all of the gear for themselves?

They are called a Ninja Looter and their name is cursed and despised throughout the realms of Azeroth!

Actually, what usually happens is "Nerd Rage". What is "Nerd Rage"? It's better to watch than it is to read.






Oh and just to complete the experience, here's a compilation of nerd rages.